READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
