i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
