so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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