i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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