So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
