well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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