There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
