I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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