i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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