Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
