At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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