The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
