i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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