what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
