youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
