Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
