Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
