john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize