got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
