Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
