Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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