I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize