just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
