okay pat passed out under dana's car
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
