I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
