I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
