If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
