i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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