Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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