im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
