life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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