Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
