Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
