i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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