Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
