You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
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I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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