My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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