From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
