And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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