I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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