i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just googled if crying burns calories
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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