people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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