She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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