i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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