it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
