So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
