JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
