I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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