JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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