Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
