my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
cat food counts as protein by the way
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
