Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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