Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
