The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
