Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
