she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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