Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
