Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
