So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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