you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
