Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
