God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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