wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
