Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
